Mommy of Two

So, I'm still adjusting to being a mommy of two! I think the first time I tried leaving the house with the boys it took me about 3 hours! Sad, I know. By the time I got ready, packed the diaper bag, packed Scotty's bag, and dressed both boys it was time to feed Daniel. Then, I had to recheck everything to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. Since that day, it's become much better!
Going back to work has been an adjustment as well. A. Because my schedule is so different from what I was originally used to. I have to make sure to leave there in time so I can come home and take over so Derek can go to work. B. Because of the schedule change, I feel like I'm continuously trying to play catch up in the office. It's okay though. I've come to realize that there is much more to life than stressing out about work and that my children make me happier than anything. So...all this adjusting is well worth it!

Some of my favorite times nowadays is watching my boys together. Scotty is such a great big brother. He's always making sure that his brother is being well taken care of and has everything he needs. The moment a peep comes out of Daniel, Scotty comes running over to make sure he's okay. Daniel loves his big brother as well. I love the great big smile he gets when he hears Scotty's voice and sees him. Nothing melts a mommy's heart more than seeing her two boys showing so much love to each other.

I love the time I get to spend with my babies both individually and together. Scotty and I still get as crazy as ever together. Singing and dancing away...having a blast doing it! I love how carefree and energetic he is. I also love his sweetness and his compassion. A bright little boy that brings smiles to my face each and every day.
Daniel...my precious Daniel. I have a feeling he's taking after his brother! Those little legs won't stop kicking and he wants to be bounced up and down. He loves it when I talk to him! The great big smiles he shows off fill my heart with so much joy. When he holds my hand as I'm feeding him...that makes me smile. I love looking into those great big blue eyes and seeing pure love.

Loving life and living it to its fullest! I pray each and every day that I'm doing right and raising my children to fulfill the will of God. I pray that He has plans for them that will give them each a life full of love and happiness. I pray that he chose the right mommy to give these amazing little boys to.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. (Psalm 127:3)

 

Another Baby!

I always knew that I wanted a big family. Derek, on the other hand, said that he'd be happy just having Scotty. Of course, I wasn't going to let that happen. I love children! Although I wanted another baby so bad, I was terrified. In the past couple of years, I had a family member suffer a miscarriage, a friend from high school lose her baby at 39 weeks from a nuchal cord x 2 and true knot, and my best friend went in to find out if she was having a boy or girl...instead she found out the baby had passed and she'd have to labor and deliver that baby. I was scared because I couldn't imagine any of these things happening to me. I also couldn't live my life based on what ifs. I had to trust that my life was planned out for me and the will of God is all that mattered.
Derek and I had just finished fasting for Lent so we went out to have a huge sushi lunch. After lunch we went to do some shopping. I had been having awkward dreams and just felt different, so while we were at the store I bought two pregnancy tests. When we got home, I took them. I came out of the bathroom and told Derek he had to go back to the store and buy two more. I wanted to make sure what I was reading was correct. So he did. Sure enough, we were having another baby! I was thrilled. My eyes filled with tears and I couldn't stop smiling. Derek was pretty excited too! Although he had always said he'd be content with one kid, I knew the moment we found out we were having another one he'd be ecstatic.
First, we told Scotty. We asked him how he'd like to be a big brother. He really didn't have much to say. Then we told him that mommy had a baby in her belly. That's when he smiled and got excited. We let Scotty tell our parents that our family of three would soon be a family of four. Once again, happiness filled everyone's hearts. Baby Johnson #2 was on the way.

Psalm 139:13  "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."

I prayed each and every night that God wrap his hands around my womb and keep my baby safe. I asked for a happy and healthy baby. I asked God to blanket me with peace because I was so frightened. I cried many times.

We went to California when I was 12 weeks along because Derek's brother was getting married. Since we'd be out there, we thought we'd extend our trip and go see my cousin in San Francisco. A little family vacation...something we hadn't done in quite a while.

Wedding day came and we all got dolled up to go see my brother-in-law tie the knot. What an exciting day this was for him and the rest of the family. The ceremony took place in someone's back yard. It was a beautiful setting...just perfect for an outdoor wedding. Everything went great! We headed off to the reception to celebrate the newly wed couple. As we waited for the bride and groom to get there I felt like I was going to pee myself. It was way too early in the pregnancy for this to be happening. I headed to the bathroom and experienced one of the worst moments ever...bright red blood. I ran out of the bathroom and told Derek we had to leave. We needed to get to the hospital fast. I was terrified that I was going to lose my baby. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Why? Especially why on that specific day. We were supposed to be enjoying my brother-in-laws wedding. We were supposed to be celebrating our sister-in-law. We were not supposed to be spending the night in the ER. 

God answered many people's prayers that night. When they finally got be back to a room and did a sonogram, we saw exactly what we wanted to see. Fetal heart tones! My baby was okay...at least for the time being according to the ER doc. I was to go back to the hotel and stay on bed rest. Our trip to San Francisco needed to be cancelled and I was to see an OB on Monday morning. We followed all instructions. This baby was way too important. 

The OB I saw was totally reassuring. He told me that stuff like this happens all the time. Sometimes the placenta tears away from the wall and causes bleeding. My OB back home would be able to tell me more when I had my 20 week sonogram. We came back home, I saw my OB, and he told me I was to take it easy. No more working out, no heavy lifting or household cleaning, and if I felt anything out of the ordinary I was to call. I did everything the doctor said, and I bought a doppler to monitor my baby's heart beat at home.

Time went by and I felt great...other than the continuous all day sickness I had. I couldn't eat anything but spinach sandwiches and mac and cheese. Every now and then I'd get a craving for a hamburger, which I never ate beforehand, and when I gave in this baby was happy. It was time for our 20 week sonogram. We were going to find out what we were having, although I already knew it was a boy...call it mother's intuition, and we were going to find out what had happened 8 weeks prior that landed me in the ER. 

As we all know, we found out we were being joined by another little boy. Scotty was not happy. He wanted a sister so badly. Eventually he grew into the idea of having a baby brother. What we didn't find out is why I started bleeding. Everything on the sonogram looked completely normal. My OB and the sonographer could come up with nothing. Just a fluke???

Christmas was rapidly approaching, and so was my due date...December 27th. This is the date we had chosen to do a repeat c-section. We had originally talked about doing a VBAC, but after going over my charts and remembering that a vertical incision was made with Scotty, I wasn't a candidate for one. The doctor had wanted to do the c-section on December 23rd, but there was no way I was going to be in the hospital for Christmas. Especially since it was the first year Scotty had really been into Santa and the whole Christmas spirit, and it was his last Christmas as an only child.

It was two weeks before my due date when we went in for my weekly appointment. I knew that something felt off. The baby hadn't been moving nearly as much as he normally did...and he would move a lot. He was a very active baby. That morning when I had checked his heart beat, it seemed a little slower than normal. When my OB checked his heart beat, he too said it was slower than he would have liked it to be. He put me on a fetal monitor and didn't receive the results he was hoping for. He did another sonogram to check amniotic fluid levels, movement, and fetal heart tones. For the most part everything seemed normal, but he wanted me to be monitored for a few hours. Off I went to labor and delivery triage to be hooked up and checked out. I cried. The nurses at the hospital were great. They reassured me that stuff like this happens all the time. First they had me drink some ice water to see if they could get the baby's heart rate to jump. No luck. Then they made me eat a big bomb pop. The rush of sugar made me feel like I was going to be sick, but the baby sure loved it. His heart rate jumped to 140 + and he started moving like crazy. It was time for me to go home. 

Still, I felt like something was wrong. I assumed it was my paranoia. After all, I saw the monitors with my own eyes, heard his heart rate accelerate, and felt the movements for sure. But, still...something seemed off. .

Back to the OB one week before baby Daniel would join our family. Same thing happened. The doctor was having a hard time finding a good, strong heart beat. Back on the fetal monitors. A nurse came in and was pushing on my belly. Soon enough his heart rate jumped to the 150's. It was decided that this baby was stubborn...just like his daddy! This time I got to go home instead of the hospital. Again, something just didn't feel right. I knew how active this child had been all the months past. For him to be moving as little as he was made me nervous. I also knew it was normal for movement to slow down right before delivery, so once again I assumed it was my paranoia.

 December 23rd I started feeling the sharpest contractions ever. I was up all night crying. However, I wasn't dilating and I wasn't effacing, so I was determined to deal with the contractions so Scotty could have a great Christmas. Those contractions lasted for four days. 

December 27th...it was the BIG DAY! My c-section was scheduled for 12:30 p.m. and I was to check in a couple of hours prior. Derek and I were both very excited. We dropped Scotty off at my parents around 10 a.m. and headed to the hospital. Nurse Jennifer took me into triage, had me change, and hooked me up to the monitors. Immediately I knew something was wrong. The look on her face said it all. Another nurse walked in and asked me if there were any issues during the pregnancy. I told her about my 12 week scare and how the baby was being stubborn the past few weeks. She walked out of the room. When she came back in she told me that the doctor had an opening in his schedule and that I'd be going back early. Things started moving rapidly. I knew something was going on. The anesthesiologist came in and quickly went over my spinal tap options. My OB came in and told me that he thought the baby had passed meconium, so the NICU nurses would be in the OR with me and I wouldn't hear the baby cry immediately. Before he had even finished the sentence, I was being wheeled back. I told Derek to call my mom and let her know we were going early. 

Spinal tap was in place, Derek was sitting next to me, and the surgery had started. I was holding Derek's thumb and telling him how I felt smothered. I hated the numerous amounts of blankets that were covering me and I wanted them off. I'd rather be cold than feel like I was suffocating. I also hated the oxygen mask. I thought I was going to have a panic attack This time, the c-section felt like it was taking forever. Then I heard the doctor say he was in and he the baby had in fact passed meconium. Tubes were being put down my baby's throat so they could suction out his lungs before any of it was aspirated. Tubes came out and it was time to finish delivering. My baby still hadn't cried. He should have cried by now. Then, my world came to a stop. I heard the doctor say the ever so terrifying words..."We have a nuchal cord x 2. The umbilical cord is also wrapped around the baby's arm and leg." My stomach started to churn and I squeezed Derek's finger. Our baby still hadn't cried. Then I heard even more terrifying news, " We have a true knot." I looked around the room and everyone but the NICU nurses and OB were standing still and staring. At least that's how it seemed. I squeezed Derek's finger even harder. I then looked up. I stared straight at the ceiling and prayed. I told God that whatever His will may be we would accept. I told Him that I knew His plan was best. I then pled to Him with all my heart that His will be life for my baby. If anything, I would rather Him take me. I finished as we do in Orthodoxy. I prayed in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. At that moment, I heard my baby boy cry. I was so happy. I looked over at Derek and he had a big grin on his face. A few seconds later, he passed out. Derek came to, my baby boy was crying, and as I looked over at him one of the NICU nurses mouthed to me that he was going to be okay. Then, she wrapped him up and handed him over to his dad, who brought him over to me. Thank you Jesus for my miracle!

December 27, 2011...Daniel James joined our family at 12:08 p.m.  

Nurse Jennifer walked into my room before she went home. She gave me a big hug and told me that she was so happy I was scheduled that day and that time and not any later. She thanked God right along with Derek and me. 

Meconium...this is the first stool a baby passes. During fetal distress, meconium can be passed in utero. If aspirated, the baby can have long term respiratory problems and in some cases it can be fatal.

Nuchal Cord...this is when the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby's neck. The x 2 means it was wrapped around twice. Although nuchal cords are common they can be fatal.

True Knot...a true knot is when a knot forms in the umbilical cord. This happens more often in extremely active babies and those with longer umbilical cords. If the true knot tightens during pregnancy, oxygen is cut off from the baby and a fatality will occur. 

What if I had been a candidate for VBAC and had labored? What if we had chosen to have our baby a day later? What if I hadn't prayed to God each and every night? 

Again, I can't live my life based on what ifs. All I can do is thank God and Jesus Christ each and every day for my baby boy. I truly believe that he is meant to be here. Maybe he'll do big things in life. Maybe not. What I do know is that he's made my relationship to God the strongest that it's ever been.

Psalms 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears." 

You Did What?!

I knew that Derek had always wanted to be a cop. I also knew that there was no way that was ever going to happen...not as long as he was married to me. The thought of my husband putting himself in danger each and everyday was not something I could deal with.
It had been a while since I had heard Derek speak of being a police officer, so I was surprised when he brought it up one day. He told me that he had done a ton of research and that the city of Fort Worth had a very extensive training program. They had one of the lowest numbers of officer fatalities. Their program lasted much longer than most and their standards surpassed those that were required nationally. I suppose he was feeling me out...seeing what my response would be. He received the same response he had received time and time again. I would NEVER be the wife of an officer. It was something I knew I couldn't handle. The worry alone would either kill me or drive me mad. So we left it at that. Then after a few weeks I started thinking. Who was I to hold him back? I knew he was miserable getting up and going to work everyday. He had a job that paid the bills, not one that made him happy. So I went home and told Derek to go ahead and apply to the city of Fort Worth, and we'd see what came of it. He informed me that he already had. "You did WHAT?! How could you possibly...behind my back!" He told me that he knew I'd probably be against it. He just wanted to know if they would even consider him.
I don't quite remember if it was a call or a letter that Derek received, but I do know he had a big smile on his face when he told me that the city wanted him to start the interview process. I didn't know what to say. He told me to take a few days and think about it. He'd do whatever made me happy. So, I walked into our bathroom, dropped to my knees, and prayed. I prayed that God would send me some sort of sign letting me know what my answer should be. I didn't want to hold Derek back, but I was scared. "Dear Lord, please tell me what to do."
Later that night I was checking my email Derek's aunt had sent me a message. I don't remember exactly what the email said, but it tied into fear and having faith. The last line stood out to me like nothing ever had before. The last line read, "The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you." That was my answer. God had answered me and it was time for me to go deliver the news. I told Derek to go ahead with the interview process. We would see where this lead and make a decision from there. This was in the fall of 2009. The process could take months.

January 13, 2010...I was on my way to have surgery done on my wrists. My mom and I were driving South on Cooper St. by Arlington High School when we were detoured. There were police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances everywhere. My mom wondered what had happened. I told her I hoped a student hadn't been hit trying to cross the street. She agreed.
As I came out of surgery, I was a little groggy. Apparently not groggy enough because I overheard one nurse telling another that the traffic was being caused and roads were shut down because an officer had died. When I got home I turned on the news, and heard the tragic event that happened to officer Craig Story. I sat on my couch and cried. I knew that Derek had completed the final phase of the interview process and was waiting for a response on whether he had been accepted into the Fort Worth Police Academy. Hearing about Craig Story made all my fears so real again. Then, Derek got the call. Fort Worth wanted him as a recruit. Only one thing stood between him and his dream...me. He told me, once again, to think about it and let him know what I wanted him to do.
All I could think about was what I was going to say to him. I wanted so desperately for him to be happy, but I was thinking about our son and so selfishly thinking about myself. Would I be able to handle this? I pulled over to the side of the road on my way home from work a couple of days later and cried. As I cried, I prayed. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't have to know. God did. When I went home, I logged into my email and I couldn't believe it. Derek's grandpa had sent me a message and the last line of his message read, "The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you." Without a doubt in my mind I knew exactly what to do. I marched into the living room and told Derek that he had my blessing.
September 24, 2010 I stood at Derek's graduation as the proud wife of Officer Derek Johnson. He graduated first in his class and was happier than I had ever seen him be. I knew, God knew, that this is Derek's calling in life.

  Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

Life With Scotty

Life with Scotty had finally began. I had the pleasure of quitting my job and being a stay at home mom for a while. Everyday I woke up to the most beautiful little boy. We sang together, danced together, and cuddled on the couch. He made the most wonderful faces and had the best laugh. All my worries about being a terrible mother were never thought of again. I saw how my baby boy looked at me, and I knew that as long as I tried my very best, he would love me.


As Scotty got older, we noticed how brilliant he was. I know a lot of parents say this about their children and there were many times I questioned myself. Did I think he was super smart simply because he was mine? I researched on the internet and spoke with his pediatrician. Scotty was way above average for his age and he seemed to be getting bored at home. Although I didn't want someone else to be "taking care" of my child at such a young age, we enrolled Scotty in an early education program.
I cried everyday the first week that I dropped him off. It was like the child comforting the mother. He told me that he'd be okay. He liked playing with his friends. There were a few times that he cried too, but for the most part he did much better than mommy.


Today, Scott is still enrolled in the same early education program and loves it! He still makes those wonderful faces. He still has the best laugh. He's definitely sweeter than I deserve. I'm amazed by him each and everyday. God gave me a true blessing when he gave me that baby boy. I have an unbreakable bond with him...stronger than I ever thought was possible. As each moment passes, I love my little man more and more.

"There has never been, nor will there ever be, anything quite so special as the love between a mother and a son"

Our First Baby

The day I found out I was pregnant, I was in complete shock. I laughed, I cried, and then I told my boss I had to leave work early. I called my sister and told her the exciting news...I also swore her to secrecy. After getting off the phone with her I started thinking about how I was going to tell Derek.
I called Derek and asked him of there was any way he could come home from work early. I told him that my schedule had changed and that I would be working late every night for the rest of the week. He asked his boss and headed home.
I told Derek I was taking him out to eat since we hadn't really been able to celebrate his birthday properly. His birthday is at the end of May and Memorial Day plans often interfere. When we sat down to eat, I pulled out a "birthday card." As he started to read the outside he had an odd look on his face. The card I handed him was actually a Father's Day card. When he opened the card, he saw my pregnancy test (yes, I took proper measures to make sure it was sanitary). Under the test I had written, "We're pregnant!" He was in shock. So much so that he asked if I was kidding. I told him I was very serious. We were going to be parents! He jumped out of his chair, gave me a huge hug and kiss, and he had the biggest smile on his face.
We called his family to let them know and headed over to my parents house. Baby Johnson was the newest of topics.

After a few days, it finally set in. I was going to be a mom. Then the worry set in. What if I was a terrible mother? What if my child grew up hating me? What if the one thing I had wanted more than anything in life, was the one thing I didn't do well?


We found out we were having a boy on October 2, 2007. Derek was ecstatic. I never really cared whether we had a boy or girl...I just wanted a healthy baby. We decided to name him after Derek's dad. For the most part I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy. The last two months I swelled up a bunch, but it didn't really bother me. I was just waiting to meet my baby boy.

February 14th was the first day I hadn't felt the baby move as much. I walked around the block of couple of times and drank some juice. He moved a little, but still not as much. Derek and I headed to the Labor and Delivery triage at the hospital. They hooked me up to monitors and immediately got a strong heartbeat. That made me feel much better. The nurse told me that it felt like the baby was laying "caddywhompus." I assumed from the way she was feeling around on my belly, that meant he was diagonal. She told me it was no big deal. February 20, my due date, I went to my OB appointment in the morning. The doctor told me I hadn't dilated nor had I effaced at all. He didn't think the baby would be coming anytime soon. He reassured me that it was totally normal to go over your due date with your first pregnancy.

Boy was he wrong! After eating lunch and sending Derek off to work, my mother-in-law and I decided to go shopping. She walked into the store before me. As I took that first step through the door, my water broke. She turned and looked at me and I told her that I had either peed on myself or I needed to head to the hospital. We knew which one it was. So, we called Derek to head back, got into the car, and headed on over.

I labored for about 14 hours with no luck. I wasn't dilating, each time they tried pitocin the baby's heart rate would drop, and with my water broken we were both at risk for infection. My doctor walked into my room, and with tears in his eyes he told me that he thought it would be better if I went back for a c-section.

It's a little odd laying there, knowing you're being cut opened, and all you can feel is some slight tugging. It's terrifying when the doctor says he needs a NICU team immediately. My baby was stuck and a bubble was forming on the back of his head. My OB was trying to use a medical vacuum to get him out and it wasn't working. He decided that he had to make a vertical incisions, and use all hands on deck to get my baby out.

Scott Joseph Johnson was born at 3:26 a.m. on February 21, 2008 not breathing. It seemed like forever before I heard my baby cry. Tears filled my eyes and I thanked God for giving life to my precious baby boy.

"A wee bit of heaven drifted down from above-
A handful of happiness, a heart full of love."~ Unknown

All Summed Up

January 1, 2005 is the day that Derek and I said I do. In front of about 300 of our family members and friends, I became Mrs. Johnson.

In May of that year we made another big commitment...we bought our first house.

For the next three years we did a little bit of traveling, made our house a home, and learned what being married was all about!

Then we decided it was time...

Reaching Out

I was very excited to be getting married! I started planning immediately. After all, I knew that we'd be having a big wedding. Two families, who were very different, would finally join as one. Mine a little crazy and his willing to put up with the craziness. It must be us Greeks...we have a way of sucking you in!
Planning was great. Dreaming of our future was even better. I knew I was gaining a great family...a mother-in-law who I actually got along with, a father-in-law who always tried to see the positive side of everything, and two brothers who I had watched grow from the time they were 6 and 10. Even with all this, something still seemed to be missing.
You see, Derek's dad had passed away when Derek was 8 years old. Through the years, Derek lost touch with that side of his family. I had never really thought about it until I started thinking down the line. A time would come when Derek and I would start our family. What would the last name Johnson mean to our children if we couldn't tell them much about that part of their family? I knew, deep down inside, that I had to reach out to them. I also knew that getting Derek's blessing to do so was just as important. I asked, he said yes, and my mission began.
I wrote a letter to Grandma and Grandpa Johnson. I introduced myself, told them all about my family, and told them what an amazing relationship Derek and I had. I told them how important family was to me and I wanted my children to feel the same. I told them that there was no better time to be part of their grandson's life again. If they were willing, I would love to speak to them. I included our address, email addresses, and phone numbers, and sent off the letter knowing that I may not get a response. At least I had reached out and invited them to share our life.
Barely a week had gone by when I received an email from a Bob Johnson. I'm not going to lie, I was nervous. I had no idea what it was going to say. I opened it and as I read what he had written my eyes filled with tears. Grandpa and Grandma Johnson were so happy to have received a letter from me.He said it was nice to know his grandson was doing good. He said it was great to know that they'd be gaining a granddaughter who cared so deeply about their first grandson. He thanked me and said that they'd love to meet me one day. I told Derek about the email I had received from his grandpa. I was happy that it was a step in the right direction. Soon after, I spoke to Derek's grandparents on the phone. Shortly after that I received an email from his aunt. My hope of getting to know the Johnson's was happening. Between this and our wedding date getting closer...life was good.
Our rehearsal dinner was like a small wedding. There were about 80 or so people there at least. Derek and I were greeting and talking to everyone. At one point I turned and looked at the entry door and there were 5 people walking in who I didn't recognize. I knew exactly who they were. The nose gave it away. Derek's grandparents, his aunt Kathy, and his two cousins had traveled from New Mexico and Colorado to be at our wedding. I walked up to them and his grandma immediately embraced me. We cried.

December 31, 2004...The day I finally got to meet the Johnsons.

“We cannot destroy kindred: our chains stretch a little sometimes, but they never break.”
- Marquise de Sévigné